Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
