Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
