Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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