me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
