Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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