just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
