Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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