Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
