3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
