I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
