and i looked up. we had an audience...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
