Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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