I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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