found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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