how can u be prego again
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
