he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
