So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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