My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
True college students do jello shots in the library
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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