I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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