i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
