Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
