Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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