do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize