He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
