Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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