When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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