Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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