Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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