hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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