After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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