the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
