dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
