He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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