it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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