Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
