Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
