2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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