I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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