The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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