Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
