Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
