i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Randomize
