which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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