We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
