All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
