I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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