If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
