She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
