Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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