My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
