if you like me you must not know who I am
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
