"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
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