i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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