the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
