3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize