That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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