All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
