I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
