Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
