I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
