Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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