I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize