Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
