East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
