I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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