So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
