I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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