I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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