It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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