WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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